Reflections

 It has been nearly a year since I last updated this blog. Not because I haven't done anything but because I just haven't thought about it. Time moves along whether I take note of it or not. I have been to events, read cook books, consulted on food and helped when and where I could. I have maintainded relationships and let others go. In short I have lived. 

I reflect on the relationships in my life because one has come to an end. It concluded naturally but not the way people would think. There was no drift, no slow erasure, it is a sudden absence caused by death. I have known my friend roughly 20 years or so. I remember the young girl, bouncy, full of energy and ambition. I watched as life and disease beat her down. She fought both bravely and with grace. I had the pleasure of building from aquaintance to friend to something more in the last 5 or so years. The pandemic wasn't all bad, it was what facilitated this. 

It is now a month later and I have not processed her absence yet. The night it happened I went into 'work mode' in order to be there for others. During my schooling I was trained to deal with the grief of others by setting my own aside. The 'box' as I call it was something I meant to get back to. I have meant to unpack it and deal with my own grief but it seems I tapes it too tight. Instead it gets kicked around and at this point it has cracks and holes in it and as it gets shuffled and kicked bits of packing material fall out. I clean up the bits and look at the box but seem unable to open it up and pull out its contents. 

Sometimes writing helps. I was hoping that this would but instead I feel 'emotionally constipated'. I guess I do this bit by bit.

Story time (June Coronation)

 This post will contain some medical stuff that people may find is TMI (too much information) I will try to mark it so that it can be skipped. 

I was marked as the kichen coordinator for June Coronation in Ad Flumen. Some people seems to be mistaken that this job entails being in the kitchen every moment of every day. I assure you it does not, but it is a job to help the kitchen run more smoothly. I am available at any time to help or to seek helpers (cooks, peelers, dishwashers) and most of my work happens before the event kicks off looking for cooks, answering questions, looking over menus and in this case shopping or arranging shopping to be done. 

Shopping turned into a nightmare. After arriving on site and setting up (I was camping) We had 1.5 hours to get all the shopping done that we could. I focused on the meals that were immediate. Breakfast (wed, thur, fri) Wednesday night dinner, Thursday night dinner and as much of ewverything else as I could as stores would be closed for the Holiday on Thursday. We filled the car to thr brim doing the best we could. 

Some things were just not findable and other things were out of stock because of the impending Holiday. Upon further research we found that the next day (Thursday, the Holiday) There would be a store open but it was 1/2 an hour away at the Vienna airport. Due to my bed folding me in half and only dozing for 4 hours before getting up to do breakfast, my driver (Daria) and Caitriona (neither speak German) Took the lists and headed out to get what they could along with more breakfast stuff to carry us through. Not being there I was not sure what had been aquired and when asked about it by the Friday diner cooks was quite honest about it. I mentioned they should talk to Daria and Cait and that later we could go over the list and a shopping run would be made early in the morning to get the rest of any items needed. Due to other obligations though the going over of the list would have to wait until later in the evening but health issues ensued for me so I asked Daria to go over it with them while I went to bed.

***********************TMI TMI TMI TMI*********************TMI TMI TMI*********

I was all set to go find my Friday cooks when I stood up. It was about 10 pm and all my other duties had been discharged. As soon as I stood I knew there was something wrong. As well as not getting much sleep the night before I started my period. I am a woman of a certain age and it was 8 days late (definitely not expected, the month before it had been 4 days late, prior to that it was regular). When I stood I was covered from crotch to ankles in blood. Not a happy sensation. I called Cait to me from the kitchen and went to take a shower. I told Daria and asked her to step in to go over the list before cleaning up and heading to bed. This began a 36 hour flood of bleeding through a super OB every 2 hours. I was cramping, uncomfortable and in pain. Emotions were in a constant flux but there was work to be done. I delegated at the moment because it was the best I could do. 

****************end*************end***************end****************end*********

I woke early again on Friday and began breakfast. Daria and Petronilla were doing the early run to the store and were back by 10 am with everything from the list now that stores were properly open and restocked after the Holiday. Later Daria took our feast team to the store as well. She is a goddess for all the driving and shopping she did so that I could take care of breakfasts, a job no one had volunteered for except for the Saturday and I am grateful to Brydis and Hedwig for giving me that one day break. 

Sunday I had left kitchen clean up to other people. Pain and frustration as well as having to break down a camp. When most everything was done I began the final cleaning including the grease trap in the floor drain in front of one of the pieces of quipment. Thank you Kyne for sweeping and watering the floor as my ride was on my ass to leave. I took care of the diswasher, the shelves in the back room and other items as well. I did not leave the entire thing to others and certainly took on the nastiest jobs myself as they had already done so much. 

I trusted all the cooks in my care to execute their jobs. All of them were seasoned cooks with several events under their belts and if there were large issues they are all adults and I trusted that they would come to me to resolve it. I didn't feel the need to stand in their kitchens and hold their hands. I did pop in, I did ask if they needed anything, and I trusted them when they said no. 

In short though something to add. If you have issues with me or how I do things, Talk to me, Don't run your mouth to others if you haven't spoken to me about it becuase in that case you are talking out your ass without having the facts or the full story. 

Changes

I don't often post things solely of a personal nature unless they relate to my hobby in some way, and this is only tangential although it affects it a lot.

As those close to me know I have been looking for work, training, anything to move myself forward. Well, it is happening an opportunity for job training that will leave me with a job and a certificate. I knew this would require sacrifices to be made, I am just sad that it is my entire spring, summer, and most of fall, but in the end. I will be in a much better place. So if you were counting on seeing me this year, sadly it will not likely happen, but this should mean good things for 2025!!! Raise a drink for me, send me a picture, have a great time and I will see you when I reach the other side.

Yis, 

Maggie

A new role: Management

Greetings good gentles, do not fret I will continue to randomly put food on this blog but I have embarked on a new journey. This past weekend was Drachenwald's 12th night Coronation filled with all the things expected and a few surprises! One of those surprises was I did not plan nor execute a single meal. Instead I gathered a team of volunteers who took up various roles. Bryndis and Hedwig took on feeding the hungry arriving masses with a sumptuous traveler's fare. Soup and bread, butter, cheese and salami, Renee' and Kyne graciously did breakfast! A tough job for 2 non early birds but they pulled it off well and were not too scared away. Lars and Barbara took on Lunch with a gorgeous chicken stew (that just keeps getting better as it sits!) and delights for the vegetarians as well. Feast was a masterpiece of passion created by Nehmet Arpad and assisted faithfully by Kytte. So many tasty things in 2 courses and topped off with a lovely sideboard of dessert choices. 

My role helped by Oriane who held the purse strings, was to keep the work flowing, be a 'fixer' or a 'finder' and to do the shopping. I helped to plate the first course along with Giano before my left hip gave out and Celemon stepped in. They chopped, counted, plated and made the transfer from Kitchen to Feast hall. 

Estrid headed up a crew of many to bring not just food buy joy and mirth to the feast hall. 

Many hand made light work and I did not catch the name of every helper so I will blanket THANK YOU TO ALL!

My event was relaxed and busy but very very good.

More from the KU Menu Stuffed Chicken and Cherry sauce

These recipes are less recipe and more guidelines. No amounts really needed, Play it by taste and sight.

 Stuffing for capon NC P.189 rec 81

Get marjoram and parsley and grind them up; get one or two breasts of capons and grind them with the other; get a little Parmesan cheese, two egg yolks, cinnamon, pepper, saffron and ginger, with a little lardo or cured ham, and grind everything together; stuff the capon and set it to boil or to roast; Make its glazing with egg yolks and rosewater.

Chicken                                                                1 whole

Chicken breast (or 1 breast with 2 thighs)                        

4 egg yolks (2 stuffing / 2 for glaze)        

Parmesan cheese                                                 2+ ounces

Marjoram                                                               Bunch fresh or a few Tablespoons dry

Parsley                                                                  Same as Marjoram

Cinnamon                                                             Sprinkle over the meat and mix in

Pepper                                                                  Same

Saffron                                                                  I would soak some in a tiny bit of hot water

Lard (or ham or butter)                                          2 - 4 Tablespoons

Add a bit of salt too

Salt and pepper the inside of your chicken, rub with butter or oil as well. Grind up the breast and thigh together add the spices. To test the taste have a hot pan nearby and fry it up. When it is to taste stuff the whole chicken. I roast my chickens at 180°c covered with foil and take the foil off for the last half hour. Baste with the egg yolk and rosewater (or use plain water).

Sour cherry sauce NC P. 193 rec 109

Follow the directions for the Black grape sauce but, since the sour cherries are tart, add in all the sugar and cinnamon your master may wish

* Get good black grapes, crush them carefully into a vessel with crustless loaf of bread, and add in a little verjuice so that the grapes will not be so sweet; boil this, but first strain it; when you have boiled it, add cinnamon, ginger and other sorts of spices. Note that this strained sauce should boil half an hour so that it is somewhat thick.

Take a liter of sour cherry juice and reduce it by 1/3 - 1/2

After reducing spice the juice

Thicken what is left by sprinkling in bread crumbs a bit at a time, stir well

A recipe from the KU menu Squash Torte

Apparently I made some pretty OK food for Kingdom University a few weeks ago. I will try to put up some of the recipes of the dishes that people spoke about, a lot!

I primarily used the Neapolitan Collection with a few recipes from Libre du Cuccina . The first selection came out with the 3rd course and was modified in only that I was unable to put the pasta layer on the top. 

Grating the squash is important for texture reasons. It really is different than using mashed. I think I will at some point try it with the veal (I can't eat pork) but using butter was perfectly fine.

Another note, I used cream instead of milk and the 'new cheese'. I found this worked well to give me the creaminess.

 Squash torte Neapolitan Collection p. 196 rec 128

Get a good squash, scrape and grate it, and bring it to a boil in fat broth or milk; get a pound of new and old cheese; Get a pound of pork- I mean, pork belly- or veal, boil it until it is well done, then beat it with a knife; if you like, instead of belly you can use good butter or lard, along with half a pound of sugar, ginger and cinnamon, with a beaker of milk and 8 eggs; when the squash is cooked in broth, take it out and strain it; make the mixture yellow with saffron and put it in a pan with moderate fire above and below; when it looks half done, put small lasagne on top; when it is well done, put sugar and rosewater on top.

½ kg butternut

2 oz cheese  I used a combo of emmentaler and parmesan

1 oz cream

1 oz sugar

2 oz butter (soft)

5 g fresh ginger (grated)

½ tsp cinnamon

1 egg

⅓ recipe pasta dough (100g flour + 1 egg)

Grate the butternut squash and boil for about 5 minutes in a good broth (meat or veg)

Drain the squash well, no need to squeeze 

Mix all the ingredients together

Pour into a form

Bake 180  20 min (no convection, just over under heat)

Lay pasta on

Bake for 10  min more

This recipe made a small pie in a 6inch pie form

Notes:

Tasty! Can bump ginger, cream was a good idea. Double to 2 ½ times for a single ‘pie’. if you want to create a meat broth from bouillon I recommend using a 1/2 chicken 1/2 beef and making it slightly strong. If you use commercial broth extra salt is not needed though a pinch would be OK. if you use home made and it is not salted add some salt to the mixture.

The newest project: Feast at in person KU

November 10-12 2023 finds Drachenwald's Kingdom University being held in the lands of Knights Crossing. We have a lovely site that will hopefully give us everything we need. 

The staff is a fabulous blend from every region of the kingdom! I do mean ALL the regions too. With a diverse crew from the central lands and the help of those most distant this will be a most excellent event.

I will have the task of being in charge of food. Friday night will be handled by Bryndis, Breakfast By Mari Jean (she will help production line lunch as well) and the rest of lunch and Feast will fall to me. I have enlisted the help of Eira from the far reaches of our north (Hamburg) To help me and be my second. 

I have chosen a few recipes from a Translation of Libro di cucina/ Libro per cuoco (14th/15th c.)  (Anonimo Veneziano)

Translated 2003 to January 2005 CE by Helewyse de Birkestad, OL  (MKA Louise Smithson) from the transcription of  Ludovico Frati (ed.): Libro di cucina del secolo XIV. Livorno 1899 prepared and made available online by Thomas Gloning.

Last updated March 28th 2005.

You may use/ distribute this version for non-profit use only (scholarly, private use) provided that this header is included.  Contact me by email at helewyse@yahoo.com ( https://www.medievalcookery.com/helewyse/libro.html )

With the bulk of the recipes coming from The Neapolitan Collection.

More to follow, with recipes

Sitting on my hands

 I am passionate about my hobby, not just cooking. I love to see and be at events no matter what side of the crew I am on. Running it, participation or a combo of both. 

I suppose the reason I am putting all this here is to remind myself of what I was/ am feeling and why. A record for me to look at to help me analyze how to improve my relationship with my hobby.

I volunteered to run Spring crown this past year out of that passion, the drive to see things get done. No, not a 'I must do it or it won't get done' but a 'someone has to do it, I can do it, me doing it will relieve the pressure off of others that have been doing it a long time and those that may not be ready to take on such a big project.' 

12th night coronation needs to be done. I have only a pair of things on my plate, I could do it, but I won't. I am still trying to figure out some things from post SCT (Spring Crown Tournament). I do not have the confidence I had going into that event and that will take time to rebuild. I have been frustrated lately with many aspects of the organizational side of my hobby and it has 'crisped my edges' I guess. 

So, as to keep from getting further burned out, I need to let go, I need to accept that I can not fix everything, that path only leads to ruin. I do hope that someone out there steps up, someone in a better place to be able to manage the event. Someone with a thicker skin than I have/had. And I hope that person does it from a genuine desire to run the event and not an 'I'll do it cause no one else will.'

The siren's call, or why it seems certain people work a lot!

 Look, we're volunteers for a hobby we love. We do what we like, and sometimes some things we don't like. I mean, who REALLY likes to clean the bathrooms? 

Anyway, Someone mentioned something to me,' Why does it seems some people are always doing the work? ' even possibly to excessive amounts. It is a phenomenon I call 'The Siren's Call'. 

This call is the friend that you see dozens of posts from looking to fill slots in a schedule, It is your friend who is the event organizer who needs extra hands for something, it is your friend that needs help, and not answering the call feels like you are betraying that friendship. It isn't, our friends definitely understand that we can't do everything all the time. Somehow though, knowing this doesn't help.

10 years on

Fair warning: This is not an SCA post

10 years ago I was in a hospital. My back had gone 'wonky'. The MRI turned out to be clear and all they could tell me was it was a muscular issue, and not one like they had seen. My back eventually 'fixed' itself. I asked questions: 'What was wrong?' 'What caused this?' and 'Will this ever happen again?'. To each question the answer was the same. 'I don't know'. I have gone 10 years without a problem so bad that I was hospitalized again (though the pain at Crown came close). There is no answer, no warning, no trigger, Instead I just live my life.

I don't NOT do things because something MAY happen. I can not live with 'What if '. Recently my back has given me issues. Crown certainly was hard but there were so many things going on. It could have been 'my issue' or it could have been a combo of : not my bed, my period after 10+ weeks, stress, working, and random stuff. I will never know. 

I don't often talk about my health. Mental OR physical. What's the point? No one can help. My body just is the way it is. 

Growing up when and where I did I learned to 'just do it', ignore pain and discomfort there is shit to be done. If I stopped every time I had an ache I'd never get things done (chronic pain isn't just sometimes, it is always, just sometimes it is less). 

I have 2 choices: Live or don't. Let the pain rule my life and keep me from pursuing the things I love or live, do it anyway. Yes, Yes, balance and all that. When the pain is too much I do let it stop me, but at that point, the mental health issues start. The lazy, crazy, just suck it up weasels invade. I am not sure what is worse, the weasels or the pain and when I am stuck with both, well ya, that sucks most.

ICOE (In Case of Elevation / Peerage): A document I think everyone should have!!

 

So, the first thing to address is 'Why do I need one, I'm not even close?' 

The answers are:

    You may be closer than you think.

    This is a living document and can be a reminder of how relationships grow and change and how your views on the society grow and change.

This document is not just for dependents!!! (Squires, Proteges, Apprentices, Cadets, or other) This document is for everyone!

I don't have a peer, who do I give mine to? 

    Great question! Give it to your partner, your closest friend, A friend that is a peer, or give them to me. I will hold anyone's document for them. 

What if the peer I give it to isn't the one on the path I am following?

    Trust me, Peers talk to each other across the disciplines. If someone is looking for your info, they will find it.

'Isn't it unseemly to desire peerage?'

    Let me be blunt NO! Having a desire, a drive, or a goal to become a peer is not unseemly. Being your sole motivation is. A squire by accepting a red belt is making a statement 'I want to be a knight'. It is not wrong for the other dependents to have the same attitude about their belts (pins, garters, aprons, or other signs of a relationship, or no sign at all).

To sum up for now, this is intended as a guide. A place to put your wants AND your Do Not wants as well. I m happy to chat about this if you catch me at an event while I am free, or you reach out via Face Book messenger or via email at baroness.maggie@gmail.com. Lets talk!

Below is the link to my template on my Google drive. Like the document you create it is a living document, Changes will be made at times as I think of more things or new ideas are brought to me.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Q4gkMNqEy8mRtX_ss0RYiqLDz772BVqY2N3Y4naDKts/edit?usp=sharing

What the year will bring

 I have a chunk of the year mapped out and a strict 

NO NEW PROJECTS ON THE LIST UNTIL AFTER 30 YEAR

Schedule as it is:

February: Scriptorium (cooking)

March: Arts in April (attending)

            Spring Crown Tournament (autocrat)

April: Flaming Arrow (small chance to attend but on my list anyway)

May: Doublewars (Still lots of logistics to work out)

June: Strawberry Raid (attending and camp cooking, really want to get there)

          30th Year Celebration and Coronation ( attending and some stuff to organize)

Now, where I am at with all of these things. 

Food for scriptorium is planned, nothing left there

Crown.... This one is complicated. We are still missing event staff, will try to scare up what we need but the monkey in the program, I need a feast cook!!!! I had one but due to circumstances beyond his control can not attend. So, plan B..... nope plan B did not pan out, On to plan C!!!! This is in process and fingers crossed!

Flaming arrow would be a birthday trip for me. I'd love to go. It has been forever since I did any archery

Doublewars: Time to look at logistics and money, ugh!!

Strawberry Raid: Halfway there.... but again, logistics and money

30 year: I need to ask some questions, pay some money, figure it all out

so ya, There we have it...

Oh, 2 more things... Online university (end of this month) and in person university (cooking in November)

Welcome to 2023

 I really should write more often. I just don't often think about it, maybe that will be my push in the new year, at least once a month should be doable, right?

Anyway 2022 is wrapped up. I always think 'I haven't really done much' but if I look at the list, I kinda have. So my list is as follows:

January: Taught 2 classes at online university
April: Cooked for Arts in April, Attended an event with no responsibilities 
May: Cooked at Double Wars (breakfast/brunch shift), was a consort for crown, helped with an elevation, embroidered 3 leaves for her laurel wreath, constructed a simple construction tunic (all but the hem), started a new gown, hand sewed a small red cap
June: Cooked at Coronation, trimmed the little red cap
July: attended an event with no responsibilities
October: Attended Crown as a consort, finished the gown I started, embroidered a pair of garters and a patch for an elevation cloak

I have also been hosting on line sewing circles, not quite every week but most weeks. I have been doing research in the field of cooking as well for upcoming events. I started the planning for Spring Crown (i'm autocratting), helping with 2023 on line uni, and planning the cooking for several more events that will take place in the coming year.

Speaking of the coming year, my plans are:

January: On line uni
Feb: Cooking at Scriptorium and Carnivale
March: Spring Crown, as autocrat and consort
April: AiA as an attendee
June: 30th year
July: Red and Gold
November: Cooking for in person Kingdom University

I am sure more will fill in the schedule but these are the firm things in the calendar.

Happy New Year all, May it be bright, blessed, and full of Joy!

How we got here

 Feel free to pass this post by, It is just a meandering thought I wanted to get out.

In my Facebook memories was a memory from 12 years ago. 'Super Barony' , it was a silly name for something that I was passionate about and had been for several years. When I moved to the lands called Rauchenderberg, at this point 20+ years ago, there were 2 Baronies in Germany. Knights Crossing, the most ancient of lands in the kingdom and Drei Eichen, a totally German barony that had a few expats but had been grown and maintained by the German population there. 

As soon as I hit these shores there was already murmuring of a Danube barony. One that would unite Southern Germany and Austria. A cool idea from my perspective. Of course this idea had pitfalls one of them being it crossed an international border and the SCA inc frowned on that, but still a group of us held out that someday, we could have another Barony in Germany. Sadly, this was not meant to be, but what happened instead is just as much of a good thing and in hindsight, an even better thing.

You see, as time went on the SCA population dwindled, especially in Southern Germany where a large portion of the players had been US military members and their dependent's who are only here for 3-5 years at best. Slowly groups dwindled and then blew away like dust. This was not a unique thing though to the South, Dre Eichen a formidable barony dwindled in numbers as well reducing them from a Barony to a shire, and at one point practically non existent. At this same time the numbers in Knights Crossing were dwindling as well. Our southern most Shire, Isengau also fell prey to the changing times. People moved, had kids, just stopped, and many other cases of 'life' happened that kept people from the SCA. 

I am not quite sure how the conversation started, but I know several of the players involved. Ele, Haldan, Gottfried and myself got the ball rolling. Others were of great support as well, Bridget, Marcus, Judith and Gerhardt were a few. No matter, the idea had been struck, maybe we should become a canton of KC (Knights Crossing) and if we did, maybe others would too. There was talk of what the pro's and con's could be. There was lots of talk! We held a meeting in my dining room (I've got the salt!!) and talked among the members of Turmstadt. We hashed out many things but came to the conclusion, we are better and stronger together. I then spent weeks talking to members of other shire's, I think we all did. Planting seeds, growing the idea of an all Germany barony. Baby steps.

We decided to go forward and there was a polling held for who the new Head(s) of the Barony would be. As it stood 4 couples put in letters of intent and of those four it was me and my husband(at the time) that were chosen. It was announced at the Spring Crown Tournament and in April that year and would be July before the investiture happened. In that time we prepared and talked some more and on the day we took the Baronial seats, we accepted 7 cantons to the Barony. It was new territory for all of us. I had never been a Baroness and they had never been cantons. We did all we could to make the transition smooth, to keep the promise that you didn't have to surrender your local identity to be part of something larger, and I like to think we succeeded. 

Those first two years were rough and had frustrations but there was also oh so much joy. Ten years on and I have watched with joy and pride to see us grow. Meadowmarsh joining under our successors and after them Isengau (unfortunately, their lands became ours by default as there were no active members there), bringing the baronial lands to include all of Germany. 

A year and 2 days

 It has been 1 year and 2 days since my elevation. 

What have I discovered? 

I have been discovering what sort of peer I want to be, and what I don't want to be. 

I will likely be hands on (when I can). I like to DO things. I like to learn things.

I will serve but I will also cook! I was told now is the time for me to step back and let others come forward. While that sounds ideal, we do not seem to have the cooking population locally to support that entirely, Also... I like cooking! I enjoy it! I do it because I love it, not because I have to. I have a couple of things brewing (big and small)  and look forward to each of them!

I have more to offer than I first thought I did. While my primary art is cooking. I also research, I also motivate, I inspire and I spark curiosity in people. Even when their art is not my own. 

I will speak up
I will speak honestly
I will speak truth
I will be gentle
I will be kind
I will learn
I will grow
I will do better and be better

A new path

 This folks is my contract with Ava van Allecmere ( her blog is Here ) Though we did not get to sign it this weekend due to my being ill. We will get it signed! But we would also like to announce the confirmation of this relationship and the new journey we will embark on!

I would also like to mention that at Crown, though we did not do anything fancy, I was taken in as protégé' to Caitriona of the Ravens! and that journey begins as well. 

I am looking forward to these adventures and seeing what we all get up to while growing this society together.

How to take a realistic look at the work I am doing (or have done)

 After an event it is easy, especially as the time slips by, find yourself either focused on what went right or too often focusing on what went wrong. Like any artist we look at our work with a critical eye and see the 'mistakes' that no one else even knew were there.

I believe I have mentioned it on my blog elsewhere that my Magistra and I engaged in what we called a 'post mortem'. A dissection of the my performance at the event in question. We created a form for me to think about and answer the questions of. We communicated on any issues, praise or comments that came in. I have posted a couple of these to my blog in the past as sort of an accountability for myself and a way to track progress.

Now you might be thinking, But Maggie, 'I'm not a cook. How does this apply to me?'. The answers are simple. You can apply these questions to not just the workings of the kitchen but most aspects of running an event as well. 'But Maggie, I didn't run an event.' That is fine, did you enter a competition, a display, do something out of your comfort zone? With a little tweaking the 'form' can fit a multitude of situations. Adopt what works, throw out what doesn't add as necessary. 

Do I need a peer to use this form with. Short answer is, no. This can be used for simple self reflection. I have continued to use it for myself since my elevation for the purpose of self reflection. I will use it with my students and apprentice(s) as a guidance tool and If there is anyone out there that would like to go through the process I am glad to help out as a peer or as a friend.

5 'simple' questions:

Post Mortem

1.) What went well? What will you do the same next time? Consider logistics, staffing, purchasing, pre-shopping, etc.

2.) What were the major crises that arose? How did you handle them? How would you handle them differently next time? Consider logistics, staffing, purchasing, pre-shopping, etc.

3.) Of the aspects that went wrong, which were the result of planning issues, which were the result of site issues, and which were the result of staffing issues? (i.e. what leads to the "failure")?

4.) In terms of the dishes themselves, how satisfied were you with their result? What would you do differently for them?

5.) Did the food meet your goals? If not all of them, which ones were achieved, and which were not?

6) Other Notes

I can't teach

 This is a phrase that I think many of us have said to or about ourselves and I think I have had an epiphany about it, much in the same way I had one about 'I can't art'.

First what is teaching? What is the first thing that pops into your head? School? Classroom? Lectures? PowerPoint presentations? 

What about, mentoring? Long talks? Geeking out? Sharing a link? An article? or a Technique? A recipe? A book? Resources? Do you think of any of that.

What is teaching is as wide of a subject as subjects there are to teach and teachers to teach them.

I can't teach to me was... I am nervous in big groups when the focus is all on me for a prolonged period of time. It's I can't teach someone how to do things my way because I just do it! 

What *I* CAN do is... teach someone how they can do it. Help them discover what their way of cooking, organizing, research, redaction, and all that goes with it is. Help draw out what works for them while sharing the things that may or may not have worked for me. I can direct someone to better resources. I can be an ear for their theories and suppositions and help them work out the logic. I can teach, just not in the way that others may see as 'teaching'.

Teaching is not black and white. It is not replication of what another does. Teaching is a form of sharing and we as teachers need to modify to how a student learns as well as to what our own style of teaching is.

The Neapolital Recipe Collection; pg 177

 

This recipe has been called many thing by those that have eaten it. Risotto, Delicious, Wonderful, and often called 'Mine' as they clutch the bowl and want to run away with it. Needless to say it has been a successful dish to make and serve.

Rice in the Italian style

Put fat and lean broth into a pot and boil it; then get cleaned rice that has been washed several times in warm water, put it in and boil it, giving it a couple of turns with a spoon so that it does not stick to the pot; then, when it is cooked, get eggs and grated cheese, and beat everything together, along with a little pepper; set it out in bowls.

Rice dish: feeds 4-6

1 c Rice ( I prefer short grained)

4 cups Water

3 tsp Beef bouillon

1 tsp Chicken bouillon

2 Tbsp butter

3-4 ounces Cheese, grated (Cheddar is salty, Gouda is creamy) I used provolone and cheddar

1 Egg, beaten

½ tsp Black pepper, fresh ground

Wash the rice

Bring the broth and butter to a boil

Add the rice

Boil about 25 minutes, until tender

Beat the egg

Quickly stir in the egg for 1 min 

Then stir in the cheese and pepper

Serve

Processing CW: mental health!

 I am going to talk honestly here about my own mental health and feelings. 

Edit: I contemplated not posting this, But mental health is important

I am taking a moment to process some things in my life. I have come to a disturbing conclusion that I am not as young as I used to be, lol! How did that happen? Doing a 12+ hour day in a kitchen is just not possible for me anymore and it feels, wrong. I feel like this inability is letting people down and to a large degree letting myself down. I have always held myself to a higher standard and expectation than those around me. I would tell anyone else NOT to do it. Not even to try to do a full weekend (I know it is crazy to do it) but expect of myself that I can and should.

I live with several mental health diagnosis. They all suck and it boils down to an alphabet soup that I have just been learning to cope with. I choose not to seek medication unless absolutely necessary. That is a choice I make. I have been in therapy and learned many tools to deal with a good chunk of it. Once in a while though I find myself in a situation where the tools don't work, or where I am unaware that I need to be using certain tools. When this happens things can and will go... Sideways. I had an anxiety attack and upon evaluating the why I thought I knew. Then I was talking to someone else and the why became clear. Once the 'ping' went off in my brain I could see clearly and while this will definitely serve me for next time it does nothing to alleviate the feeling of 'broken' at the time. It is hard for me not to think of myself as broken and therefore, less, than those around me. I know we all have our individual struggles and I would never think of anyone else as less for them but somehow I am unable to apply that to me. I struggle with applying that same kindness, compassion and grace to myself. 

I struggle with imposter syndrome, with feelings like I am a burden to those around me, Feeling like a failure in many aspects of my life, I have time where I feel invisible and or overlooked because somehow, I am less. Less important, less noticeable, less worthy. If I go quiet, it is because I have fallen into one of these holes. Just give me time and I will get out, reaching out does not always help. At times it does, in other circumstances it will sink me further. If I am reaching out, grab me, as that is when I am usually in the deep end. If you can not grab me, be kind and possibly find someone who can. 

To those in my life that have rescued me, Thank you! I try to say it often but may miss it here and there.