Reflections

 It has been nearly a year since I last updated this blog. Not because I haven't done anything but because I just haven't thought about it. Time moves along whether I take note of it or not. I have been to events, read cook books, consulted on food and helped when and where I could. I have maintainded relationships and let others go. In short I have lived. 

I reflect on the relationships in my life because one has come to an end. It concluded naturally but not the way people would think. There was no drift, no slow erasure, it is a sudden absence caused by death. I have known my friend roughly 20 years or so. I remember the young girl, bouncy, full of energy and ambition. I watched as life and disease beat her down. She fought both bravely and with grace. I had the pleasure of building from aquaintance to friend to something more in the last 5 or so years. The pandemic wasn't all bad, it was what facilitated this. 

It is now a month later and I have not processed her absence yet. The night it happened I went into 'work mode' in order to be there for others. During my schooling I was trained to deal with the grief of others by setting my own aside. The 'box' as I call it was something I meant to get back to. I have meant to unpack it and deal with my own grief but it seems I tapes it too tight. Instead it gets kicked around and at this point it has cracks and holes in it and as it gets shuffled and kicked bits of packing material fall out. I clean up the bits and look at the box but seem unable to open it up and pull out its contents. 

Sometimes writing helps. I was hoping that this would but instead I feel 'emotionally constipated'. I guess I do this bit by bit.