Sunday, October 10, 2021

I have been Hijacked!!

 This will be a post on my elevation, move along if you are not interested.

Someone noted a bit ago that all I can seem to talk about is Crown and the subsequent elevations happening there, including my own. I came to the conclusion that having a writ hijacks your brain at some point, especially if you are trying to do something special, such as my many projects I have had cooking. You want everything to be just right, and then you start running out of time, then you start doubting, then you want to burn everything to the ground, then you see light, then the setback (or several) and then and then and then. In order to keep on track you stay focused. Baby steps, one baby step at a time but progress is made. You are proud of every accomplishment no matter how small it seems to be.

People ask how you are. This becomes a loaded question. If I say stressed I'm asked why, and if I tell them, then we are on the one note subject of what I am doing and how I am on my projects. If I say 'I'm OK' then someone at some time in a group will ask how a project is going. Depending on my stability at the moment I can pass of with a 'I'm on track' Or 'Going alright I guess' but if I am stressed then I will burst and there will be lists and details an more info than anyone likely ever wanted.

Having writ makes your elevation more like a wedding and less like a graduation. I had never really thought of myself as a control freak but I am having serious thoughts about reevaluating that thought. I am not sure I want to make it perfect for me or for my 'audience' I want something I will remember, something magical. I do realize that even as a surprise it would have been magical and something to remember. I take deep breaths and realize I am doing the best I can with the skills I have. People have offered help but it has been very hard to take that help. Many things I want are things I feel I should be doing myself. My gown and chemise, tokens, other gifts and such. I decided to work on my own ceremony too though I have passed the last bits of that off to my Laurel. Even now I have had offers of help but there is nothing anyone can do for me unless they can come finish one of my projects left ( At this time hooks and eyes for my sleeves, closure of the waist of the gown, gathering and finishing my camicia and some garb for my daughter. I would love garb for my son too but don't have the materials or resources to get them at this time, he does Roman so the shapes are super simple) 

I am at a point where I want this done and in the past. I want my life back. I want to talk about future projects beyond Crown and the elevation ( and I have several) but I just need to get through this first. 12 days to go, I can do it!

If you have stuck with me so far... My apprentice sister did a fantastic thing and created an on line vigil page:

For those that can't come to the event. It is 'live' and ready to go. I am not sure when the best timing for making the link more public is? Hmmmm... I will keep thinking on it.

Things are not bad, I am not actually complaining but I am processing and part of that is just getting the thoughts, for better or worse, out of my head.

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